The most dreaded word in a marriage has to be infidelity. Couples keep their fingers crossed not to be victimized by their spouses, yet many cross boundaries to seek greener pastures without giving a thought to the sanctity of marriages!

It’s commonly perceived that the seven-year-itch is a time couples need to be wary about, as the initial euphoria gives way to ennui. This is also the time when carefully preserved mannerisms come to the fore and couples feel cheated by such trivialities. However, when the charm begins to fade, couples feel betrayed, but in the hope to preserve the same rapture, seek to retain the color, albeit inappropriately outside the marriage.

Infidelity even once cannot be tolerated. Although some couples have known to have forgiven the errant partner and moved on, lost trust is hard to regain. Trust is the basic fabric of any relationship, and a breach of trust isn’t easily pardonable. Any person sighting temptations as a reason must re-examine the consequences before taking the plunge.   

Causes for Infidelity:

1. Boredom has been sited as a reason for infidelity. Any relationship after the initial thrill does lose its luster, so the trick is to keep it alive and kicking. Don’t panic if the butterflies in your gut calm down, for, you’ve mellowed and are familiar with your partner. Arousing the butterflies isn’t the wisest thing to do, as once the initial newness of an affair dies down, you’d be left with the same ennui.  

Stoke the flames of your relationship in new and interesting ways with same old partner. Go for an image make-over. Introduce a diet or exercise regime. Take time to vacation together. Make time for passionate love-making. Feel sensuous always and you’ll remain your partner’s numero uno! Sloppy appearances is a sure way of being passed off, no matter how tired you may be or how hard you could be slogging to keep the family fuels burning.

2. Low Self-esteem: Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the bold partner who takes this bold step. While a minor transgression can be pardoned, encouraging an attraction is a sign of low self-esteem. In cases where one spouse is excessively successful the other has sought to bury their inadequateness in the blanket of an affair! True, the successful spouse’s over-confidence might’ve been unnerving. However, it is every mature adult’s responsibility to seek contentment and be successful in their chosen fields. Never blame your spouse’s popularity for your infidelity. Either you walk out or stay in!

Compulsive flirting by both men and women is known to have wrecked many relationships. If you’re attractive and popular, why throw yourself at others? It takes character to discourage advertising yourself cheaply and thwarting another’s advances. If your flirtatious behavior is an attempt to cover up for your inadequacies, it’s wise to seek counseling. An attractive personality means possessing a character of steel. If you feel you would be binding your partner more to yourself by flirting with others or praising others, then your attempt will be beset with more troubles, for, trust is far more difficult to rebuild.

3. Emotional Infidelity: Your partner has a mind of their own. In search of an ideal soul-mate, don’t expect your thoughts to be identical. They’ve been reared in a culture different from yours. If you expect them to tow your line, you should’ve married a child or your sibling! Even children rebel! Variety adds spice to life. So let the thoughts of partners in marriage vary. Interesting but varied ideas give a new dimension to life. Merely because your partner’s thinking doesn’t conform to yours, doesn’t mean you’re incompatible. Seek the common good in the situation at hand. If you suddenly find someone outside your marriage singing the same tune as you, doesn’t mean they’re your soul-mates or will continue to sing the same tune. The diversity in the cuckoo’s, nightingale’s, lark’s and sparrow’s chirping lend charm to the music of the forest!

Emotional Infidelity: Your confidences must be shared only with your partner. Don’t expect them to listen without contradicting or sneering. You got to be vulnerable in a marriage, just as you had been when you courted them. Harmless sharing of confidences or dilemmas could lead to dangerous situations. If your marriage doesn’t promote the sharing of confidences, it’s wise to seek counseling. Your friend’s spouse or another person of the opposite sex knows nothing about your marriage and cannot substitute a professional counselor. People have their own axe to grind and someone’s version may be totally erroneous. Seeking professional counseling can do wonders, as many facets of your personality come to the fore.

Be available for your partner, regardless of work pressure. Never underestimate your partner’s looks, as even unattractive people can be someone’s muse. Hence, don’t take them for granted. Give praise where it’s due.