In-laws are people whom we try to please before saying ‘I do’ and love to hate once the purpose is served! Although, in the west unlike in oriental countries, relationship with in-laws isn’t very complicated, they do pose challenges. Many times in-laws can inadvertently make or mar the marriage of their children. In rare cases, however, in-laws have known to cement marriages too.  

After wooing your girlfriend you just thought that it was going to be a cake-walk, till she insisted that you meet her parents! You found her parents scrutinized every aspect of your life- your career, designation, future, bank balance etc. Since then you dreaded them!

When your wife lived in clover without a care in the world, it’s natural that her parents would hope that she continues to live thus. You, on your part can assure them that she’ll be comfortable gradually. You ought to be polished in attitude, appearance, interests, with an impressive career graph. A man who’s casual and who doesn’t take any efforts to spruce up is any in-law’s nightmare!    

You can’t relax just because the knot is tied. Relationships are for keeps and maintaining them without differences of opinions, is an art. Avoid debatable political discussions, which might culminate in an ugly argument. When you feel a discussion would conclude badly, steer to lighter topics. Listening to another’s opinion, open- heartedly is an art.

If you’re a father-in-law, remember never to be too demanding. Recall your initial days and your struggle. Thus, allow your son-in-law the time to prove himself. Ultimately, your happiness rests in your daughter being happy. Never openly compare him with your sons, sons-in-law or yourself. If you have suggestions, do express them, but never in an overbearing manner.

If you thought only women squabble, you’ll be shocked to hear that men can be as vicious. Brothers-in-law in their urgency to gain supremacy can create tension between sisters. Co-existing without friction and being a peace-maker are traits that will set you apart as a reliable man.

The onus of a cohesive family has always rested on women. And the most complicated relationship has been that between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As a new bride, it’s wise to remember to be affable always. She’s the first woman in your husband’s life, whose apron was sullied by his vomit and who has remained sleepless, nursing him to health, when he took ill. Hence, it’s natural that she’d be possessive about him, no matter how independent she is. Be open to suggestions, but you needn’t bend backwards to appease her. The trick is to pretend that her suggestions are wonderful, but not feasible. Give an ear, but look for the best options in all situations. If the best option is the one suggested by your in-laws, it’s wise to heed, just for the common good of all.

If you’re a mother-in-law, do display mellowness on your part and accept differences graciously. Your daughter-in-law has been reared in a different setting and has a mind of her own. The fact that your son chose her for a partner, reflects that she has in her to make your son happy. Resist from giving unsolicited advice, avoid comparisons with your daughters or your lifestyle. Your unwarranted interference can create a wedge in their marriage.  

Show by way of example and not advice. A receptive person responds better to role-modeling. She has her individual style of doing things, spending money or raising children. Trust her and intervene only when absolutely necessary. If you believe that she could gain by your experience, then remember, life isn’t a handbook full of maps, guides and rules. Life is to be explored and she’ll relish it as she explores it.

As a sister-in-law or brother-in-law, welcome your sibling’s better-half into your fold with open arms. Life with its twists and turns can be unsettling and here’s when your sibling’s spouse can extend their support. Your spouse’s siblings too are your in-laws, but treat them as your own siblings with camaraderie.

Resist from comparing your children’s performances or behavior. Children need cousins and get-togethers are opportunities to learn while interacting. Each child is different and you as an aunt or uncle can look for your niece’s or nephew’s talents and encourage them. If you’re at the receiving end of unfair criticism by your siblings or their spouses, it’s better to raise the matter without being defensive. Never allow your children to bear the brunt of unfair criticism. Teach them to handle unfair criticism politely. If things get out of control, it’s wise to take time-offs till things settle. However, let your time-offs not be very prominent. Make excuses for your absence in family get-togethers.

Remembering anniversaries, celebrating them, having ‘fun’ family get-together’s where you pull each other’s legs without being offensive will all foster harmonious relationships between in-laws and you.